It feels like a nightmare when I fight our cancerous reality-- live and react in fear. I am absolutely hopeless. There's nothing I or any doctor can do to change the outcome of his life.
But when I'm not fighting it, when I am still, I have inexplicable peace. There is nothing I can do about it. I love our son today and raise him up to know he is not in control of his own life. One handsome gift from God to be enjoyed here for a short time or a long time. It isn't any person's decision which.
I do believe the One who gave Josiah to us loves him more than Stephen and I do. And yet, I fully expect to fight Him over and over and over on this point. I am so thankful for a God who allows me to be stubborn, to question Him, to scream at Him, and to call Him a liar.
Nothing I do or say changes who He is and always will be. Thank you, Jesus.
The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.
Exodus 14:14
Josiah and family,
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you all; for stable results. I am looking forward to hearing the news soon! It was so exciting to see new posts this past week! Keep it up! Allison and Josiah look great! Know that I will be praying from the second my alarm rings at 4:57 am to the second I go to sleep! Love and prayers,
Alivia
You are learning what I have only learned later in my life. The stress only lets go of me when I trust God knowing I cannot "fix" it. The only way we become more like Christ is through sufferings---and I don't like that, but it's the reality. God has continued to work in your life from a small child asking deep questions about God that required phone calls to the church to get the answers. Thank you God so much that Merri knows and reaches for you when I did not understand very well at her age.
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